Day 4 of 8 months


Everyone has been trying their best to make me think more positive. Apparently, I haven't been thinking that way. The more i try to think of the happy thoughts of me and him, the more i wonder why do all of these had to happened. how could someone created by God could actually turn my life around, and when he's still with me but has to be away, i felt like my world came crumbling down. No one has ever made me felt that way.

i have been battling 3 nights now, trying to get some sleep. but i haven't gotten any peaceful nights. every time i closed my eyes, your face appeared like you were just right in front of me, and immediately i reached out to you, opened my eyes but you weren't there. woke up on subsequent nights feeling like you were right by my side, but then again you're not.

every move i made, i felt like you were whispering in my ear telling me what was wrong and what was right. restricted me from doing things that i have temptation to do, which eventually are bad for me. tell me how am i gonna survive this when all i ever felt was your presence ever so close to me in every moment.

if only you know how much this heart ache to hold you tightly and not let you go. if only you know that this heart could not replace anyone anymore. if only you knew, that this heart beats the same as you with the same tempo.

why is it that when you're away, i feel all these and need you to know how much you meant to me.

i have always love you, and it will always only be you.

Day 2 of 8 months


things did not go quite well apparently last night. i could hardly sleep as images of your face kept on flashing in my mind, and it got worst whenever i closed my eyes. tell me, how am i suppose to go through this. it's really suffocating. i am trying my best to make an acceptance, but it has never been easy right from the start.

i am apparently waiting with full of patience to receive your letter. i can't possibly face all of these right now. though it seems like i am getting stronger, apparently, this has make me a lot more weaker.

i could feel you in every move. how am i suppose to do these. wawan i am struggling in every step, without you.

Day 1 of 8 months


Life isn't the way I've always wanted it to be. Maybe it's destined to be this way. I would have never thought that i would battling life events this much. I've been feeling so dread to actually type this out, but apparently, i have yet to have anyone to talk to me, so my blog will be where i pour out my desires or heartfelt pains. I have to survive this 8 months without you Saifulridzuan. One of the reasons why i'm still living and moving on in my life.
It was ultimately unbearable to actually see your love one getting handcuffed right in front of your eyes. yes i did not cry in front of him cos i did not want him to see how breakable i am, & i wouldn't want to give him a hard time inside. i cried so badly when i left, i left his aunt cos i did not want her to see how big and such a scorching pain i'm experiencing.

the nights have shaken and frighten me. the day does not seem as bright as it has always been. the texts frim the usual person, has begun to silent itself.

Dear God, help me go through this. particularly, it's unbearable. not a day has pass, but it has suffocate me enough.